Much has been made of the music industry's woes over the last few years. Sales are down, interest in current acts is waning, and industry executives don't know what to do. The rock genre, in particular, has been hurting. The favorite source of blame has been internet piracy, which is, as we all know, fucking cool.
But as much as the execs want to blame the internet (which is actually starting to work for their benefit with songs you can download for a fee) the fact is, the industry is hurting because the industry isn't producing good music right now. 99% of the music being released today is pure shit not worth listening to. Don't believe me? Then explain to me why the playlists at "new rock" stations have such a high percent of music that's over ten years old.
For example, let's take a look at the playlist of a local "new rock" station based here in Dayton, Ohio, "New Rock 103.9, the X." To see the list for yourself, click here. Looking at their top 500 songs, it becomes obvious that I'm not the only one who sees a serious problem with the music being released today. Just within the first 120 songs listed, they include 36 songs that are 5 years old or older. 15 of those 36 songs are actually 10 years or older. And of those, a handful are even pushing 20 years old. Something must clearly be wrong with the state of rock music if 20 year old songs have a spot in regular rotation on a station claiming to be "new rock."
Fortunately, I know what's wrong with music today, and I'm going to tell you. So music industry executives, pay attention, because what I am about to say is God damn important.
The fact is, 99% of all the music being recorded today is worthless, meaningless shit that isn't going to matter a year down the road anyway. All this emo shit that's nothing but bitching about how your parents suck and life is unfair is trite and worn-out. Quick, name one song released in the last year that, twenty years from now, someone will be listening to in their car and thinking to themselves "Wow, this is such a musically innovative song" or "Wow, this music is so insightful and thought-provoking." Chances are, you can't think of one, because there isn't a God damn thing coming out that's worth the CD it's printed on. And it's really fucking sad that, on a regular basis, the best new music on the air is almost all being recorded by bands who released their best music 10+ years ago and are approaching middle age.
Take Korn for example. Their most recently released untitled CD is their 8th studio album and is, to be honest, probably about middle of the pack as far as their work goes. When compared to their other seven CDs it's good, but nothing to get a boner over. Yet that CD is by far better than anything else that has been released in the last year. And it isn't even close. Their song "Evolution" is by far the only song to hit the airwaves in the last six months that has made me stop what I was doing and say "Wow, that's a damn good song." And guess what. Jonathan Davis just turned 37 this past week. 30 fuckin 7. These guys are almost 40 fucking years old, past their prime, yet they're kicking all the younger bands' asses.
And you know what else? Their shit actually means something. A lot of their music has insightful views on society and their videos expound on those themes to the point where you are actually smarter after watching their music videos. Take "Evolution" for example. The song is all about how humanity is getting dumber and the video actually shows relevant historical data showing the decline in the average human I.Q. over the last fifty years. Then there's their song "Y'all Want A Single" in which they talk about how piss poor the output of the music industry is right now. You see, they actually talk about shit other than life sucking in meaningful ways. And it's not just Korn. Groups like Staind, Nine Inch Nails, Green Day, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers are consistently putting out better, more meaningful music even after being around for 15+ years. These shitty boy bands with guitars should really step back and take a look at what these grandpas have been doing that has allowed them to stay relevant for so long.
Foreigners just don't know how to make good music. I'm sorry, it's a fact. There's two different kinds of foreign shit. There's foreign pussy rock (such as Coldplay and Radiohead) and there's foreign unintelligible growling shit rock (such as Rammstein and System of a Down). Both types suck major donkey balls and should not be allowed on CDs or the radio. Ever. I've had a lot of people tell me I should like System of a Down because they sound like other bands I listen to, but frankly, I just don't see one God damn redeeming quality in any of their music. Nothing. What's-his-nuts has the most annoying voice in all of music and has no sense of what good vocal intonation is. It's like he just randomly raises and lowers his voice for no apparent reason. And I don't understand their lyrics one God damn bit. And it isn't that they're too deep, it's just that I have no fucking clue what they're saying. It's like they just randomly string words together that sound good to them with no idea what they actually mean, which is entirely possible, since English is not their first language. Maybe they write their songs in Greek and they just have the worst translator ever. Bush was like that, too. Their lyrics never made any sense at all either. And do you know why? Because they're foreign, dammit.
Pot-Smoking Hippies and Straight-Edge Queers
What's the primary creative difference between the great bands of yesteryear and the shitty bands of today? Besides sheer musical intelligence, that is. The answer? Yep, you guessed it. Hard drugs. Throughout history most of the greatest rock artists of all time have used drugs. It's no secret. And it's no coincidence that their music was better for it.
But then what happened? Rock stars started dying from their drug use and people started talking about how bad drugs were and blah blah blah. And for the record, by drugs, I mean actual drugs. Not marijuana. Marijuana doesn't count as a drug. Marijuana is a real drug in the same way that "Girls Gone Wild" is real porn. And then there's the "Straight Edge" queers who go around being all proud of not using drugs or alcohol as though it's something to be proud of. Sorry, but being lame and making shitty music are not things to be proud of. Musicians need to stop being pussies and start doing some real drugs again. And speaking of pussies...
Why is it every other song released anymore is just some whiny pussy with an acoustic guitar crying about a girl? Is that actually considered good music in some circles? The song "Hey There Delilah" is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Some stupid asshole cries his way through some shitty acoustic song where he whines about his f**lings for three minutes and people eat it up as though it's actually good. If you turn the song up loud enough, you can actually hear the tears hitting his guitar strings. I mean for fuck's sake has this country become so pussed-out that we actually think of this kind of shit as good music? We need to be careful, because if the rest of the world thinks we're pussies, all the lesser nations who hate our guts will band together and attack us. I mean we're giving the impression that we're a country of over-sensitive vaginas. And speaking of vaginas...
Oh come on. You didn't think I'd make it through an entire article without saying something sexist did you? Chick rock is becoming more and more prolific on the airways. It's the latest fad. Find some hot chick with a good singing voice and a nice rack, give her a mic and a backup band (usually of all males of course), and then pretend she's a serious artist. And yes I'm looking at you, Evanescence. Chicks are good at making a lot of things. Pies, sweaters, and babies, to name a few. But one thing chicks are not good at making is rock music. Think I'm just being a sexist asshole? Let's look at the evidence. Look at the most successful rock bands throughout history such as Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, U2, The Rolling Stones, and so on and so forth. When looking at the lineups of the greatest rock bands of all time you will notice one thing these bands all have in common. NONE OF THEM HAVE ANY CHICKS. That's not an accident. I'm sorry honey, but nobody wants to hear a rock song about alcoholic boyfriends or having a good relationship with your mother-in-law. If I gave a flying fuck what women have to say about life, I'd watch "The View." It's time for record labels to stop pretending to take chick bands seriously. Let's face it. They don't say "It takes balls to rock and roll" for nothing.