As many of you are well aware, last year's election (presidential and otherwise) was very largely a reactionary election. People weren't so much voting for candidates as they were voting against the incumbents and their parties, as a result of the shitty economy and some of the hilariously depressing things said and done by former President Bush. The end result was a lot of Democrats and some third party candidates being elected on platforms of ideals such as hope and change, rather than anything even remotely tangible. One such elected official was current Ohio governor Ted Strickland, who has gone to work for Ohio in a big way. Governor Strickland had to find some ways to shave a few bucks, so he wisely has proposed a budget for next year which includes reduction or elimination of some purely frivolous and unnecessary programs. Funding for most of these programs was reduced, but a few programs were eliminated altogether, such as ELI, a government program that provides free child care and early childhood education for extremely low income households. Some of these extravagant and wasteful programs are:
-Adult education programs
-Campus safety programs
-Student support services
-Medical school residency programs
-Need-based scholarship aid
-Children in pre-school
-Need-based subsidies for child care and schooling
-Alternative education programs (charter schools and education centers for dropouts)
-Trade or career-centric schooling
-School management assistance
-Child care licensing and site visits
-GED testing
-Educator preparation
-Special education
-Library funding (library funding is one of the hardest programs hit, with funding cut by 50%)
-Food banks
-Drug treatment and prevention programs, as well as drug courts
-Community and mental health services
-Public health laboratory services
-Health care facility inspections
-Cash assistance for the physically and/or mentally disabled
-Investigations of child abuse and/or neglect
-Financial support for foster care and reduction in ability to take new cases
-Post-adoption services
-Services for abused and/or neglected seniors
-Youth services
-Rail, transit, and aviation services
-State parks, forests, and campgrounds
-Stream and ground water monitoring
-Oh yeah, and he's also giving out IOU's for the funds he's appropriating from the retirement accounts of Ohio's public employees. But don't worry, he says he'll give it back someday down the road. He's also freezing retirement accounts so people who lose their jobs because of these budget cuts won't even be able to access the thousands of dollars many of them have saved up in case he needs their retirement funds to pay for his government credit card when he uses it on hookers and booze.
And these are just a few of many cuts Governor Strickland has proposed to get us under budget. So to recap, we will be an even more uneducated, illiterate society than we already are. We will have more crime, more homelessness, and very few programs in place to keep kids off the streets. We will also have sub-par health care and child care facilities, but we won't inspect them or investigate claims of child abuse. I guess those abused kids will just have to stand up for themselves because we won't do it for them anymore. Of course, even if we did take them out of abusive homes there will be nowhere to put them because we're cutting foster care and adoption service money, too. Oh yeah, and we get dirty water as a bonus.
So to make a long story short, we're all boned. Thank you Governor Strickland. My wife is actually so pissed right now and has left so many messages on the governor's official Facebook page that she is blocked. Hell I wish I could find a way to block her. But seriously folks, Bono is probably dancing right now because these budget cuts will mean he gives more money to people in need than the whole fucking Ohio government.
Now, this isn't something I normally do, but I would like to lead you all in a prayer. Yes, that's how desperate I am. I am actually going to petition the Lord in prayer. Now, I haven't done this in awhile, so I'll have to do some serious ass-kissing to get God's attention. So will you all please bow your heads and pray with me.
Dear Lord Jesus Christ in Heaven, whom I love with every fiber in my body. I humbly approach you to ask for your divine help. I know it's been awhile, but we're really in a bad way down here, and I didn't know who else to turn to. Dear Jesus Christ, will you please, please, please, please, PLEASE, give Ohio governor Ted Strickland cancer. Horrible, agonizing cancer. Preferably somewhere extremely uncomfortable. Like his butt. Lord Jesus, if you give Ted Strickland butt cancer, I promise I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life. I'll sing louder than anyone else there and I'll put a fistful of money in the offering plate every week. That's how badly I want Ted Strickland to get butt cancer. I would ask you to smite him with lightning, or however you smite people these days, but that's too humane for this colossal piece of shit who doesn't deserve to be in charge of taking tickets at the carnival, let alone an entire state. So please, give Ted Strickland butt cancer. That is all. Thank you Jesus. Amen.