So my wife has a friend who totally wants to fuck me. Don't know why. Apparently I'm hot shit and didn't know it. Her friend kept asking my wife if we wanted to do couples stuff with her and her husband like go to bars or watch football together or something. Oh yeah, the whore's married too. So we didn't really have any inclination to do so. But her friend would get pissed about it. And she wouldn't just want to hang out with my wife, she was insistent that we all do stuff together. So finally my wife point blank asked her why she wanted to hang out with me so much. Of course the friend laughed it off like my wife's paranoid and crazy.
Then like two days later she called my wife crying and told her she was right and that she had been wanting to hang out with me because she wanted to have a chance to get me alone because she wanted to fuck me. Yeah. Apparently I make my wife's friends all hot and bothered without even trying. So the whore apologized and everything and then my wife didn't talk to her for a while (not surprisingly). Only then the whore started calling and texting her again asking if we could all hang out together. So not only is she a shameless whore, she's incredibly fucking stupid to boot because she's still trying to trick my wife into letting her near me even after admitting she was trying to fuck me.
Fast forward to a few days ago. I had, like, REALLY bad diarrhea. And the whore called my wife and was asking how I was. And for some reason my wife's response was "Oh, he has really bad diarrhea." Because apparently when you're my wife that's the kind of story you share with your friends for no fucking reason. So after hearing that I was practically shitting my intestines out every fifteen minutes the stupid whore says "Oh, I can go over to your house and give him a suppository."
I don't even know what to say to that.
people would LOVE to give me a suppository