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So apparently the World Cup is on because some asshole asked me if I'd watched any of it. What a fucking stupid question. Soccer blows. It's a sport for poor island people who can't afford equipment for real sports. And yes, I know it's technically the most popular sport in the world. Funny thing, there's a lot of poor people in the world who can't afford football pads, of course it's the most popular sport in the world. Anyway, this asshole was acting like I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. So some other asshole said I don't like soccer because I'm not good at it. Yeah, good cover dipshit, because I'm morally opposed to anything I'm not good at myself. Like how I such at performing brain surgery, so I think brain surgery is stupid. Or how I can't cook a meatloaf because I have a penis so that must mean I think any woman who cooks a meatloaf is stupid. Oh wait...

Anyway, there was this one time I got kidnapped by these very large men with ski masks, and my parents didn't pay the ransom in time, so I was forced to watch an entire soccer game. This is what happened...

True story.