As you are probably all aware at this point, TV has finally been converted to HDTV, and the old people are bitching up a storm.
"What the crap is this HDTV? What the hell was wrong with old TV?"
"Why didn't anybody tell me about this HDTV? They just changed it overnight without telling anybody!"
"Why can't my old TV get HDTV? I've got rabbit ears and everything!"
"You damn kids and your music!"
"I wanna watch Matlock! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!"
Yeah, whatever Grandpa, shut the fuck up. But seriously, the move to HD was brilliant, not only does it mean I now get to check out boobs in HD, but it's the next step in leaving old people behind. It started with our society's computerization. The next step is HDTV, but this is just the beginning. A few more changes that would help put old people in their place...
HD/satellite radio conversion. This one's a gimme because it will happen sooner or later.
Electronic social security payments. Not only will this screw old people, but it will leave a lot of money left so maybe those of us currently paying Social Security taxes can actually receive some benefit someday.
Revocation of the right to vote upon retirement. Fact is, old people vote in droves for whoever is going to give them the most money when they're no longer paying any taxes. People who are not paying taxes should have no say in how tax money is spent. Just like how people who have been unemployed and on welfare for five years should not be able to vote to increase welfare spending so they can get more money to produce more illegitimate bastard children. People who pay taxes should be the ones deciding how tax money is spent. Unfortunately that's largely not the case right now, which is a big part of why our government's spending is so screwed up.
Annual driving tests for anyone above 65 to determine whether they should still have a license. Yes, this would be blatant age discrimination. It would also lead to blatantly safer roads and blatantly less annoying car trips when you're running late for work and you get stuck behind some old fucker driving twenty miles under the speed limit with his blinker on who brakes at a stop sign and waits for it to turn green.
While we're on the subject of age discrimination, it seems like pretty blatant age discrimination to allow seniors discounts. I think the concept of a senior discount is unfair to those of us who are young enough to actually contribute something to society. So no more senior discounts. I'm tired of being discriminated against just because my dick still works.
Laws mandating a maximum allowable temperature in all public buildings. That way, when you're in a restaurant with 35 other customers who all think the temperature is comfortable, and that 145 year old bitch comes in and yells "BBBBBBBBRRRRR! IT'S FREEZING IN HERE! TURN THE TEMPERATURE UP!" you can just tell her to fuck right off.
Remove the penny from monetary circulation. That way, old people have no way to pay for their groceries. They would actually have to bring in paper money instead of penny jars.
Close all bingo halls and Bob Evans restaurants. Hell, if we did that we might never see old people in public again.