Well shit. It's now 10:00pm on October 5th, which means my wife's birthday starts in two hours and I don't have a present. So I figure I've got a few options left. I could:
-Run out and buy her a nice, thoughtful gift
-Run out and buy her the first piece of shit that catches my eye
-Run out and buy her a card and leave money in it
-Fold a piece of printer paper in half and write "Happy Birthday" on it
-Rumage through her stuff, find something I haven't seen her wear in a long time, wrap it in paper towels and scotch tape, and then pretend like I bought it for her because it would look good on her
-Buy something I've always wanted, then let her give it to me so it isn't wasted when she doesn't like it
-Convince her that she must be confused, because her birthday is September 6th, not October 6th. To be more convincing I'll make up a story about what a great birthday party I threw her because I'm so awesome.
-Not get her anything, pretend I don't know it's her birthday, and avoid her completely for the next 24 hours
-Remind her that being married to me is enough of a present for any woman
-Tell her it just isn't working out. Then in a week I'll take her back so she has enough time to buy a present for my birthday next month
So the way I see it, these are my options and I really have to pick one in a hurry. Except there's a football game on now so I'll worry about it after the game.