Masturbation > Sex. Here's why.
Your hand doesn't expect to cuddle afterwards.
Your hand doesn't mind if you fall asleep right after you're done.
Your hand isn't going to say "That's gross, I'm not doing that."
It will also never say "Not tonight, I've got a headache."
Or "Sorry, it's that time of the month."
Actually, your hand probably isn't going to say anything at all.
Your hand knows exactly what you like and how to do it. You don't have to train it.
Your hand isn't going to care if you close your eyes and pretend it's somebody else.
Or if you accidentally say someone else's name.
Hell, you don't even have to bother trying to remember its name.
You don't have to worry about using the "She looked 18" defense.
You don't have to worry about any accidental illegitimate bastard children getting all your money for the next 18 years.
Anything your hand has, you've already got.
You don't have to break up with your hand around holidays to avoid buying presents.
You don't have to spend any money on your hand first to get it to put out.
You never have to worry about coming home and seeing your hand in bed with someone else.
Your hand won't object if you want to watch a porno while you mess around.
You don't have to listen to your hand talk about its' f**lings.
When you're finished, your hand won't nag you to make sure it finishes. When you're done, you're done.
Your hand won't insult your intelligence by faking it, as though you even care.
You don't need to worry about getting your hand drunk first to make your job easier.
You don't need to drive your hand home afterwards.
You don't need to use a condom with your hand.
Your hand doesn't have any bitchy, retarded friends you have to pretend to like.
Your hand won't pressure you to make a commitment.
Your hand will never ask you if it looks fat.
And most importantly, you don't have to pretend to give a crap about whether your hand is enjoying it or not.
crap from 2007
guys just dumped their girlfriends after reading this