I was just at the grocery store, and I was reminded of just why I hate grocery shopping so much. You can categorize my frustration into three main groups: dipshits, foreigners, and kids. First of all, if you are a dipshit, don't ever go out in public, especially when I am out in public. It just ends up in extremely high blood pressure for me, and I get bitchy. For example, as discussed in "Express Lane" means it's supposed to go faster, if the sign says 12 items, don't get in line if you have twenty items. Also, stand in front of, or behind your cart at all times. Do not leave your cart against one aisle, then stand next to it looking at the items on the other aisle, leaving no room for other people to get by. Also, if you have one or more people shopping with you, when someone else is coming the other way, walk single file so you can get by each other. I don't know how many times I've been shopping by myself and I go down an aisle only to run into a couple coming the other way who is walking side by side holding hands, making it impossible for anyone to get by them. Then they always get pissed off at me because I don't back up all the way to end of the aisle to let them by so they can continue to hold hands. Also, when there are other people waiting to get something from the shelf you're currently standing right in front of, either get out of the way or make your decision quickly. Trust me, your life is not going to be negatively affected if you have to rush your decision whether to get plain Cap'n Crunch or Crunch Berries. But get out of my fucking way because I want Crunch Berries and I want them now.

Secondly, foreigners at grocery stores piss me off. First of all, if you can't speak English, get the fuck out of this country. If you're going to come over here and take jobs and air away from other Americans, then at least learn to speak the fucking language. I have no problem with immigrants, as long as they do it the right way. Get a green card, apply for citizenship, and learn the God damn language. You aren't in fucking Saudi Arabia anymore, or wherever the hell it is you came from. Not only do foreigners piss me off by not speaking English, they also have no fucking idea how to shop. This isn't the fucking village fruit and vegetable market, you can't negotiate the price of apples. You pay what the sign says or you go elsewhere. Then foreigners all shop in herds. There are always at least eight or ten per group, and they all insist on walking down the aisles at least three people wide, but then I'm the rude American stereotype when I ask them to let me go around them.

Lastly, I hate shopping because of all the screaming kids. Today there was this white trash family with what looked like a one-year-old girl and the entire time I was there she never stopped screaming. And not only did they not do anything about it, but they followed me around for probably ten minutes, and then got pissed off at me when I gave them a dirty look. You know what? When your redneck ass follows me around with a screaming kid, I'm going to glare, that's just the way it's going to be, so get the fuck over it. Whatever happened to "Shut the hell up or I'll give you something to cry about?" God damn people. Not only were the parents not trying to calm the kid down, they looked like they didn't even care. Like if their kid is making everyone else's life hell, it's their own problem. God poor people piss me off.

crap from 2005

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people think the phrase "Shut the hell up or I'll give you something to cry about" should make a comeback