I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half. I'm a freshman in college and she's a senior in high school. Last year I decided to go to a local college instead of going away so I could still be near my girlfriend, but now that it's her turn to start looking for colleges, she's looking at some colleges two or three hours away. I really want her to stay here, but I don't want to seem controlling or whiny. What should I do? - Jeremy
First of all, Jeremy, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you were talking about your f**lings. Not cool. But, I'm in a decent mood today, so I'll forgive you this time. Next time, though, I'm kicking your ass.
Anywho, you're in a tough situation here. One I've been in before myself. I was a sophomore in college, and my high school senior girlfriend was choosing between two colleges. My college, and her older sister's college, which happened to be about four hours away from my college. Of course, I really wanted her to go to mine so I wouldn't have to drive four hours to get pootang, but you can't just come out and say that. You have to be careful in these delicate situations. You see, girls are all about thinking that you give a rat's ass about what they want. So when the subject came up, rather than tell her how much I wanted her to choose my college, I told her that I wanted her to do whatever she thought would be best for her, knowing full well that going to her sister's college would most likely be the end of our long-term relationship. In the end, she decided to go to my school, so you could say my patience paid off. Of course, she dumped me six months later when she decided she was spending too much time in a serious relationship when she wanted to spend more time with her friends and getting the whole college experience (read: she wanted to get drunk with her retarded slutty friends and get fucked by random guys at parties).
So you see, Jeremy, the fact is, even if she chooses your school, that's no guarantee that you're going to stay together and get married and have kids and live happily ever like some jolly fucking Brady Bunch. Now that I've totally taken a shit all over your hopes and dreams, here's what you need to do. The fact is, you can't make the decision for her, no matter how badly you want to. Your girlfriend is a big girl and she needs to make her own decisions to live the life she wants to live. So you have two choices. You can either try and get her to stay, in which case you run the risk of looking controlling, selfish, or whiney, none of which are qualities that will win you points in helping you keep her. Or, you can tell her the choice is hers and that you will support her in whatever she chooses. I'm not going to lie to you, she might not choose your college. She may go somewhere else, despite your best efforts to pretend you're happy for her whatever she chooses. But if you support her and don't pressure her, regardless of her decision, she will feel better about you and will be more likely to stick with you no matter where she goes.
But on the bright side, if she does choose to go away for school, and you've supported her throughout the whole process then maybe, just maybe, as a going-away present she'll let you do that one really degrading thing you've been trying to get her to do but she never goes for. And that's a memory you can take with you the rest of your life.
If you have a question, feel free to email me at randy@acrappywebsite.com