I've been at my current apartment for about four and a half years now. Before the last six months, I've only had occasional problems with them. It seemed like once a year or so something would happen. Like maintenance would come in without notice or permission. Or they'd come in with permission when I wasn't here and drink my milk, leave a mess, or steal my Playboys off the toilet (true story). But at least incidents such as these were rare. Something like this would only ever happen about once a year, if that. Not anything I couldn't write off as just people being people and fucking up every now and then. But then this year when I renewed my lease I guess they decided they'd had enough of me and they want to make sure I don't renew next summer.
They started by making it nearly impossible to add my fiance to my lease. See, apparently she had to apply and get approved as a renter in her own right. And of course, it would be difficult for her to get approval because she had no rental history anywhere so she was considered a risky tenant. Not sure why her rental history mattered, because I had already been living here for four years and always paid my rent on time. But apparently, adding a second person to the lease made it less likely that they would get their money. So I called and talked to the manager and she said that she didn't need application approval, I could just add her to the lease. So my fiance went in to sign the paperwork, and was told by a subordinate employee that she couldn't sign the lease without applying first. So this went on for about two weeks before I was finally able to add one more person with an additional income (higher than mine by the way) to my lease when I had never had problems paying while living alone for four years.
So then about a month later I called maintenance to come and fix the tiling in my shower. My shower has three walls, and the tile on two of the three walls had been replaced over the four years I'd been here. It all should have been done at once, because when the first wall was replaced the other two were loose and moldy anyway. But being the efficient business they are, they decided to put off repairs and only replace a wall when it literally fell down and water got behind the wall to cause more permanent damage. Finally, this summer I called and informed them that the tiles on the last remaining wall were on their last legs and would come tumbling down any day. So they sent out their crack maintenance team who quickly took command and...put some caulk on all the loose tiles.
Seriously. They just caulked it. I could caulk it myself. And as a matter of fact I had, and continued to do over the next few months on a regular basis. But throwing up some caulk is much cheaper than actually fixing it, so they left my tile old, rotted, and with water seeping through to the wall behind the tiles. So a couple times I called and told them that it was going to come down any day, and each time, someone came out and helpfully added another layer of caulk.
Then about a month ago, I went out to my car and found a note on my car. The note was a "courtesy" informing me that my vehicle was in violation of complex lot rules and if I didn't remedy the situation within 48 hours my car would be towed at my expense. Mind you, I had two days off work and hadn't left. Two days is 48 hours, so I'm lucky my car wasn't towed as a "courtesy" for me leaving my clunker in the lot. By the way, the lot rule I was violating was having a flat tire (which mine wasn't). There have been cars with four flat tires and busted out windows that sit in the lot until they become part of the scenery, but they were going to tow my car for having one flat tire.
So I hopped in my car and drove to work (on my allegedly flat tire). On my way to work, I called the office and asked them why they were threatening to tow my car for no reason. I was reminded that it wasn't a threat, it was a courtesy. Of course, the dictionary defines a threat as a notice of negative consequences to come if an action is or is not undertaken, but it's just a dictionary, so what the hell does it know. I was then told that the "courtesy" was perfectly justified as the shit-brained asshole groundskeeper thought I had a flat tire. My contention was that if you're going to take the step of threatening a tenant, you'd better be God damn sure of what you're talking about. If I was able to drive a car with no problems when it allegedly had a flat tire, obviously the groundskeeper is a retard not intelligent enough to be given the authority to threaten tenants.
Fast forward to last week. Since when my relationship with my apartment complex has gotten so fucked up and ridiculous that it's almost funny. We'll start with last Wednesday.
Wednesday, December 12, 2:00pm
I called the office and set an appointment for maintenance to come out and replace the tiles on the wall, which by now was beyond repair as three full rows of tiles had come crashing down into my tub. I was asked if maintenance had permission to enter if I'm not there, I answered no. The stupid bitch in the office explained that if maintenance doesn't have permission to enter, work can sometimes take longer if I'm not there. I explained to the stupid bitch that if maintenance doesn't have permission to enter, I find that I lose less Playboys, have less of a mess in my apartment, and find less of my glasses on the bathroom sink half filled with drinks from my refrigerator. The well-worded response was "Oh."
Thursday, December 13 1:00pm
Two maintenance men come to my apartment. They come in, look at the bathroom, and see that I wasn't lying after all and my wall is indeed missing three rows of tiles. One congratulates me on doing a fine job putting plastic bags over the hole to protect the walls from water damage, then says they can't do anything until they get a replacement panel, which won't be until Monday, so they'll call me Monday before they come out to replace it.
Monday, December 17 4:00pm
After not hearing from maintenance all day, I call the office to ask where maintenance is. They tell me the part was backordered so they had to go out to Lowe's to buy one. We set up an appointment for maintenance to come out Tuesday afternoon. Maintenance isn't sure exactly what time, but sometime in the afternoon. I'm asked if they have permission to enter. I say no. Again it's explained to me why I should let them enter. Again I explain why I don't want those assholes in my apartment when I'm not there. Again the response is "Oh."
Tuesday, December 18, 11:00AM(i.e. not afternoon)
I'm in the shower. I hear pounding at the door. Being that I'm naked and in the shower, I don't answer the door. After a few seconds the pounding stops. A couple minutes later, while I'm getting dressed, it resumes, then the door opens and maintenance yells "Maintenance!" Two men who reek of alcohol and cigarettes walk in while I'm getting dressed. They see me and say "Oh. Didn't know you were in here." I respond "You did not have permission to let yourselves in." The response is. "Yeah, sorry." They go in my bathroom, see that it's in the same condition they it was on Thursday and say "Ok, we just need to pick up the panel and we'll be back to fix this." Apparently they just came out for the peep show.
Tuesday, December 18, 12:00pm
I see a note on my door. Ironically, it's a note from maintenance giving me 24-hour notice of intent to enter for completely unrelated preventative maintenance. I call the office and cuss up a storm about the two guys coming early and letting themselves in without permission. The official explanation/apology for the situation I'm given is "They were probably confused about whether or not they had permission." I ask what is so confusing about "No, they do not have permission to enter." I get nothing but silence in response. I hang up.
Tuesday, December 18, 2:00pm
Smelling even worse than before, maintenance comes back with their tile panel that should have been installed two years prior. Thirty minutes later they claim to be done. I ask them if they can do the preventative maintenance scheduled for the following day so I don't have to worry about it. They agree and check my plumbing, smoke detectors, etc. and give me the all clear. They assure me I won't have anybody from maintenance back to do the preventative maintenance and I can disregard the notice of intent to enter. They leave.
Suspicious of them being done so soon, I head into the bathroom to check out their handy work. I almost shit my pants when I see the most aggressively half-assed maintenance job I have ever seen. Rather than remove the remaining old, moldy, shitty tiles, and replace them with the new tiles, they put the new panel right smack on top of the old. Yes, you read that right. THEY PUT NEW TILES ON TOP OF OLD, MOLDY, ROTTING TILES. No, that is not a typo, that is exactly what they did. It reminded me of the Adam Sandler movie Big Daddy where every time the kid made a mess, he stuck newspaper on top of it to cover it up. Not only did they put new tiles on top of old, moldy, rotting tiles, the panels weren't even lined up correctly, so that the bottom panel with the old, moldy tiles is sticking out from under the new tiles. But perhaps I'm making too much out of nothing, because they put three times as much caulk on there as there is on the other two walls. You know, to make sure there's enough to hold that new panel up with all that mold and rot underneath it. It's almost impressive how badly they botched the job. If I paid somebody to do a job as poorly as they could, I doubt they could surpass the smelly maintenance men from my apartment complex. The whole thing looks like it was done by a ten-year-old.
Tuesday, December 18, 3:00pm
I call and give the office workers another earful. Once again, I'm given nothing even remotely resembling a real apology. The girl in the office volunteers to send maintenance out again to have them correct it. I tell her thanks but no thanks, I've had enough dealings with their maintenance for one lifetime. That reminds me about the forthcoming preventative maintenance scheduled for the next day, so I ask her if the two smelly handymen took me off the list of people scheduled for it since they had already done it. She assures me she will take care of it. I don't trust her, so I ask for the complex manager, who gets on another line, calls the maintenance manager and then reports that I have been taken off the list. I thank her and hang up.
Thursday, December 20, 3:00pm
I leave for work and notice a note on my door. It's a 24-hour notice of intent to enter my apartment to perform, you guessed it, THE SAME FUCKING PREVENTATIVE MAINTENANCE THEY HAD DONE ON TUESDAY. So, on my way to work, I called the office and asked why I was getting this note when I'd had the maintenance done and had already been over all of this with them. The response is that maintenance was probably confused about which apartments they had to get. They are apparently all a very confused bunch of people. I tell the stupid bitch that I've already had the maintenance and don't want them in my apartment. She gets on the other line and calls the maintenance manager, then tells me I have been taken off the list. I am assured that I won't have them in my apartment the next day and that I can disregard the notice of intent to enter.
Thursday, December 20, 4:30pm
Frankly, at this point I don't trust anybody other than the complex manager to get anything done so I call back and ask for her. I refuse to talk to anybody but her. She gets on the line. Mind you, by this point in the week I'm sure they're all sick and tired of my voice. The manager is, for the first time ever with me, frankly, pretty curt and impatient. She's clearly got better things to do than keep tenants who supply them with five thousand dollars a year happy. In a very short conversation she tells me not to worry, they know that I've had the maintenance done and nobody will be coming by my apartment, and that I can disregard the notice of intent to enter.
Friday, December 21, 11:30am
I am woken up by a pounding on the front door. I think to myself "Jesus H. Christ, not again." At least this time I have enough time to throw on some clothes by the time they let themselves in without permission. As they're walking in they say "We're here to do preventative maintenance." I say "Yeah, it was done on Tuesday and two different people assured me you wouldn't be coming. Bye." So of course they didn't believe me and made me repeat myself twice to make sure I wasn't making it up. Finally I said simply "Get out."
Friday, December 21, 11:45am
I call the office for the umpteenth time this week, absolutely fuming. I ask for the manager and let them know I refuse to talk to anybody else as I've had it with incompetent, piss-poor tenant service. At this point, I've talked to them all so much that all I need to say is "Hi, it's Randy," and they know exactly who I am. Out of the couple thousand tenants my complex has, they know me by name. Aren't I special? I ask the manager why maintenance let themselves in without permission AGAIN when I had been assured by two different people that they were not coming.
What came next was almost the first real apology I'd received all week, until she ruined it by adding her disclaimer that technically they didn't need permission to enter since they had given me 24 hours notice. You see at this point she was finally realizing how pissed off I was and how much legal trouble they could get in for invasion of my privacy, so she was trying to confuse me with technicalities. I reminded her that while I had been given 24 hours notice, the notice was for an invalid reason, therefore it wasn't solid, and also I had been told by two different people, including herself, that maintenance would NOT be entering and that I could disregard the notice of intent to enter. You can't just tell me to disregard the notice of intent to enter and then say "just kidding, we're still allowed to come in." But to be honest, it was a moot point as they had entered without permission on Tuesday. They had an appointment, but no permission to let themselves in, and they were even early for the appointment. Which reminds me, when they tried to tell me they came in because they had an appointment, I was told I was just splitting hairs when I said they were early. Sorry, but the word afternoon is a compound word, after meaning at a time following, and noon meaning 12:00pm. 11:00 am is not after 12:00pm. That isn't splitting hairs, it's knowing how to tell time. They were early for the appointment and let themselves in without permission.
So I reiterated all the bullshit you all have now read to the manager explaining the ridiculousness I have been subjected to this week. She apologized again and said she understands how I feel. So I asked her when the last time was she had two smelly men enter her home without permission and watch her get dressed. Or the last time she had people enter her home without permission twice in one week. She, of course, had nothing to say. So I told her to call maintenance and find out what the fuck happened and why they were in my apartment when I had been assured twice that they wouldn't be there. She told me the maintenance manager was out at lunch but that she would call him when he got back. I told her to do so and call me and give me the explanation and the name of the person who was going to be fired for the extraordinary level of incompetence, unprofessionalism, and intrusion I had been subjected to over the last week.
Friday, December 22, 1:30pm
I hear a knock at the door. A much softer knock this time. I answer it. It turns out to be the manager of my complex's maintenance department. All he has to say is "I'm here to apologize for my men disturbing you earlier." Apparently to them, this was the only thing there was to apologize for. He then hands me an envelope and asks me to accept it as a token of their apology. So I said fine and bid him good day. After they left, I opened the enveloped and inside I found a twenty-five dollar gift card..........
...to Foot Locker.
FOOT LOCKER! FUCKING FOOT LOCKER! FOOT LOCKER FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! THEY COME INTO MY APARTMENT WITHOUT PERMISSION TWICE IN ONE WEEK, FUCK UP MY BATHROOM, AND WATCH ME GET DRESSED AND I GET 25 DOLLARS OFF A FUCKING PAIR OF SHOES AT FUCKING FOOT LOCKER. I'M 26 YEARS OLD AND I DON'T PLAY ANY SPORTS. DO I LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF ASSHOLE WHO SHOPS AT FUCKING FOOT LOCKER? THIS WORTHLESS SHIT IS SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FUCKING FEEL BETTER?
P.S. In a related story, if anybody would like a $25 gift card to Foot Locker, give me a holler. I've got one laying around that I'll never use.
people would like that $25 Foot Locker gift card so they could buy a shoelace