So there I was in my bathroom, pinching a loaf, reading my ESPN the magazine, minding my own business. Then my wife's stupid cat ran into the room. See, lately, for whatever reason, she must like the smell of my dookie, because she always jumps up on the back of the toilet whenever I'm doing my business. So she jumped on on the back of the toilet, only she slipped and her back leg slid off the edge of the toilet. And landed squarely on the handle, flushing the toilet in the process. With me sitting on the toilet. So yeah, the shit water splashed up and soaked the underside of my balls. So now I have wet, shitty balls. Fucking cat. One of these days she's going to "accidentally" wander into the oven.