As many of you probably know (especially if you watch the NFL), October is breast cancer awareness month. Yes, they are apparently giving diseases their own months now. Not really sure who made the call on that, but while we're at it, I'd like a Tiny Crooked Penis Awareness month. If any of you know who I talk to to make that happen, let me know. Of course I don't know why breast cancer needs to have an awareness month, because I'm a dude, and I'm pretty fucking aware of it already. I'm sure women are even more aware of it than me. It doesn't need its' own damn month.
And it definitely doesn't need the NFL dressing their players, referees, playing fields, and goal posts in pink, which is apparently the official color of breast cancer. Yes, it has its' own color in addition to having its' own month. It has to be the single most privileged disease out there.
Yes, the NFL has become an official sponsor of breast cancer awareness and research and they have decided to dress up their web site in pink, put pink breast cancer logos on their playing fields and goal posts, and encourage officials and players to wear pink equipment such as wrist bands, shoes, mouth guards, and gloves. The whole thing is absolutely asinine and has turned football watching into a spectacle of awkwardness and ridiculousness.
I get that the NFL wants to get more female viewers so they're giving money to breast cancer research. That's great. Flawed logic maybe, but still good overall. I've always been a fan of what is really "enlightened self-interest" because it usually creates a win-win situation, but in this situation I just don't see it actually doing the NFL any good. Are any women who otherwise don't watch football going to tune in to a game on Sunday because the players are wearing pink and the NFL is donating money for breast cancer awareness? Somehow I doubt it. Lifetime could run a similar promotion funding awareness for nut cancer but that doesn't mean I'd start watching Project Runway because of it. I just don't see this getting any new viewers.
What I do see, however, is a lot of awkward moments and ridiculousness as a result. A lot of players have been talking about how they like the idea of wearing the pink to prove to people that real men can wear pink. Um, why? If you want to wear pink to support the cause, go for it, but to wear it to prove something to drunk assholes sounds even more ludicrous than the drunk assholes who are getting pissed off at all the sissies for wearing pink. The whole thing is a joke. Frankly, you can wear pink and purple polka dots for all I care. I don't give a shit what you're wearing from a sexual identity standpoint. I just think all the pink is distracting and frankly, ugly. A lot of teams have designed their uniform color schemes specifically to not be ugly, but when you add in pink, they look absurd. Take the Cleveland Browns, for example. The Browns already have the ugliest uniforms in all of professional sports. Seriously, orange and brown? Who the hell designed that? They look like giant turds. Now throw in some pink accessories, and they look like, well, giant turds with pink accessories. You don't have to be a gay man to see that all this pink is resulting in some distracting, aesthetic train wrecks.
Although I do have to point out how unbelievably hilarious it is that Ben Rapistberger, who as we all know has never sexually assaulted anybody, especially not Andrea McNulty, wore just about as much pink as he could possibly get his hands on to show how much he empathizes with women in this very trying time of someone accusing him of rape. Who exhibited symptoms and behaviors consistent with rape victims. And who he hasn't denied having sex with. But who is obviously only after him for his money. Even though her settlement offer to him sought no money for herself, only admission, an apology, and a donation from him to a charity for abused women. I mean it's clear the dude just totally respects women and would never force himself on a woman. Like he read to us off that index card in his press conference when he stared at his shoes the entire time he wasn't reading. (Oh come on, you didn't think I'd forgotten to make fun of Ben, did you? Naw, I was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to get my shots in. Shame on you for doubting me.)
Anywho, as I was saying, the whole breast cancer awareness thing just baffles me. I understand supporting causes, but they're shoving it down our throats. It's even worse than they do with the United Way with those endless spots where they show the NFL players at their camps for kids where they teach them the importance of exercise and are actually able to tell these little kids with a straight face that they have a chance of making it to the NFL one day. At least they don't put the United Way symbol at the 50 yard line.
Although I have to say that all the rest of the ridiculous and awkward moments are blown out of the water by the two male announcers talking about the importance of mammograms and how often you should get tested. Yeah. Seriously. That's comfortable. Listening to dudes talking about checking for titty lumps. Yeah, no thanks.