So it has come to this. I never thought I would see the day I would be reduced to putting a disclaimer on my site. I think it's just sad as hell that I actually have to do this. Apparently, I vastly overestimated the intelligence of people. I should know better, but for some reason I guess I thought people would understand that a web site called A CRAPPY WEB SITE DOT COM shouldn't be taken too seriously. Well I guess I learned my lesson.
First of all, let me make one thing perfectly clear. This site is not suitable for children. People keep telling me how kids could see this site and be scarred for life. Well you know what? I don't exactly go around handing out flyers for my web site at preschools. So parents, let me explain one thing to you. If you have kids and you're worried about them seeing my site, get an internet filter. Trust me, if your kids have access to the internet, they can access much worse things than my site, so get a filter and stop telling me that I'm irresponsible for writing material unsuitable for children. If you were a responsible parent, you would know what your kid is looking at on the internet and you would get a damn filter, so before you call me irresponsible, you'd better make damn sure you're doing everything in your power to prevent your kids from seeing inappropriate material. And don't tell me you can't control what your kids see, because that's a load of horse shit. I am twenty-three years old and to this day I can't rent an R-rated movie on my family's account at Family Video in my hometown. Sorry to bitch, but that just really pisses me off when parents don't monitor what their own fucking kids are doing and then try and blame other people when their kids are reading or watching or hearing something they shouldn't.
Secondly, I get countless questions about material on my web site that seems outrageous or shocking. Some sample questions I am subjected to on a regular basis:
Do you really believe (insert outrageous idea here) ?
Do you really think it's okay to (insert outrageous suggestion here)?
Do you really think it would be funny if (insert tragic event here)?
Have you really (insert unbelievable thing I claim to have done here)?
Do you really beat people up in public just for being stupid?
Are you as sexist as some of the things you write suggest?
Given the opportunity, would you really have sex with all the women you claim to want to have sex with, even though you're engaged?
Do you really think all women are bitches or ho's?
Do you really do all the terrible things you write about?
The answer to all the above questions is a resounding NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
It simply amazes me how fucking stupid people are. Think about it, if I actually did all the shit I talk about, would I write about it? No. Let's just say for the sake of argument that I was very short tempered, and every time someone pissed me off, I beat the hell out of them. Why in God's name would I publish that information on the internet, where anyone, including police and other authorities, can see it? And if I was really beating people up in public, don't you think maybe I would have been arrested by now?
I fully understand that a lot of things I say are outrageously sexist. That doesn't mean everything I say reflects how I really feel. I write it because being sexist is very freakin hilarious because women get really pissed off. I've always gotten a good laugh out of saying sexist things. It's funny. No, I do not think all women are good for is sex and cooking my dinner. It's amazing, because as sexist as some of the things I say are, to this day, every single fan mail I have received is from a female. And some even send me more than one. That must mean that they understand I'm joking when I say some of the things I do. I'm actually shocked because I figured for sure I would be more popular with the male audience, but it looks like I was wrong. Or maybe it's just the female audience who writes me because they want my nuts, who knows. Maybe I've just become something of a sex symbol, although I would be one damn ugly sex symbol. Think about it people, if I wrote about how I really feel about women, it wouldn't be funny. Frankly, I think there are certain aspects in which women are far more evolved than men. Women are generally a lot more emotionally developed than men, and I respect them for that. You see, that wasn't funny at all. And if I was as sexist as some of my articles suggest, how the hell could I be engaged? If I really thought all these awful things about women, what self-respecting woman would want to marry me? I tell you who, nobody. But again, I write sexist things because it's funny. If I got on here and wrote a bunch of flowery bullshit about my feelings for my fiance, people would think it was a bunch of shit that nobody gives a fuck about, and they'd leave my site and never come back, and I couldn't blame them either. The fact is, nobody gives a fuck about what I really think about women, it just isn't funny. I'm not going to get any kind of reading audience if all I write about is rainbows and sunshine.
And along with that, people ask me if I would really have sex with all the women I claim to want to have sex with, since I am also engaged. They think how could I have feelings for somebody, yet want to have sex with other women. Again, what the fuck do you want me to do? Preface every fucking thing I say about attractive women with "if I wasn't with somebody?" You know how fucking stupid that would be? It would completely destroy any humor in what I was saying. Let's take a look at the example outlined below. Read both article titles, and tell me which one you think is funnier.
Example A: I want to do Angelina Jolie.
Example B: If I wasn't happily engaged to somebody I am in love with and have no intention of cheating on, and don't want to hurt in any way, given the opportunity, I would like very much to have sex with Angelina Jolie.
You see what I mean? IT ISN'T FUCKING FUNNY! If I prefaced every damn thing I did with a fucking qualifying sentence stating how I really felt about the subject, it wouldn't be funny. It would be retarded.
Have you people every heard the term "shock value"? It's what people are using when they say or do something that is funny in large part because of its social unacceptability. When I do a picture of a caveman hitting a woman with a club and then having sex with her, I am using "shock value." You see, I don't actually go around beating women and raping them, I just make cartoons about it. It's funny because it isn't really happening. If someone was beaten and raped in real life, it wouldn't be funny. Just like if somebody kicked a little kid in the groin, or threw marbles on the ground in front of someone using a walker. In real life, it wouldn't be funny, but the concept is funny to talk about. At least to me, and, well, this is my web site so if I think it's funny, it goes here. If you don't think it's funny, you can get your own site about what you think is funny, but here on acrappywebsite.com, it's all about me. I'm just a selfish bastard like that.
So in summary, I'll put it like this. If it sounds unbelievable or sarcastic, it probably is. If it sounds dangerous, unhealthy, illegal, or unethical, don't try it at home. If it offends you, move your mouse up to the box with the X in the upper right hand corner of your screen and click.
dumbasses are still going to take everything I say seriously