I have a Dell. It's a piece of shit. It has given me nothing but trouble, and I want to throw it through my fucking window. Dell also owes me money since they never paid me my fucking mail-in rebate. They said I would get my rebate in 6-8 weeks, so after 10 weeks, I called them and asked where my two hundred dollars was. They said they never received the rebate form and it was too late to put in a request for one, because it was only good for 30 days past the date of my invoice. How is that not illegal? I don't see how it can be legal, because it sounds like glorified theft to me. They claim they never got my form, but the time they say it takes to pay the rebate is conveniently longer than the time they allot to apply for your rebate. So as far as I'm concerned, they just threw my form in the trash and kept my money.

Then there was the time some fucking foreigner called me and woke me up to ask me where my payment was, because if it didn't get there in the next two days, it would be considered late. It wasn't late when they called me, they just felt like annoying me and waking me up on my day off because they're assholes.

That's another thing. I'm tired of calling customer service and getting a greeting in broken English from Muhammad Ali-baba who has no fucking clue how to answer my question. They ask you what's wrong, you tell them that part X isn't working right, so they open their Tech Support for Dummies (Arab edition) book, flip to the table of contents, look up where Part Y is listed, then tell you something you already knew. So then you say, Part Y is working fine, it's Part X. I've already talked to the manufacturer of Part X and they told me the problem is (insert problem here) but I'm not sure how to go about fixing that. So then the foreign bastard flips through his book, asks you if you tried turning the computer on and if it's hooked up to the monitor, then tells you you'll have to hold on while he goes and has sex with a sheep. So he fucks his sheep, comes back, and then tells you the manufacturer of Part X was wrong and there is actually nothing wrong with that part. It's part Y. You just don't know how your computer works, it says so in his book. Then you start to get pissed off and tell him to find someone who can fucking speak English, so he says that he doesn't know what you did, but you really screwed up your computer and there's nothing anyone can do about it, you just need to buy an entirely new system. But he's hanging up now, because he has some sheep that need attending to.

And if I ever see that fucking "Dude, you're getting a Dell!" guy, I'm going to beat the shit out of him and shove my piece of shit computer up his ass. And he deserves it, too. And do you know why he deserves it? Because he's an asshole. He's an annoying, stupid asshole, and I hope he gets crabs.

That reminds me. When I was living in my old apartment, I spent the weekend out of town one time and my roommate had friends over. Well this one chick invited her boyfriend over, they got super drunk and helped themselves to my fucking bedroom. This reminds me of that because the chick's boyfriend looked like the fucking Dell computer guy, so I hated him even before they used my bedroom like a fucking hotel room. So then the next week they came back to get his beer and some shitty DVD he'd left at our apartment. I closed the door in his face. I should've kicked his ass. That wasn't really Dell's fault, but it still pissed me off. Fuck Dell.


crap from 2006