For those of you heathens living in sin who don't already know, today is the National Day of Prayer. So today when I pray to the flying spaghetti monster, this is what I'm going to pray for:
-That I won't run into a damn religious parade like last year. A few years ago I also ran into a parade for the annual "March for Jesus," which should probably be renamed the annual "Holding up traffic for Jesus."
-That the God damn Democrats will stop their attention-whoring and just pick their fucking candidate already so we can all stop getting bombarded with this Hillary vs Obama bullshit that even Democrats stopped caring about six months ago.
-That the new Indiana Jones movie is actually worthy of resurrecting a retired franchise that finished strong many years ago, instead of a weak, shitty attempt at making money off nostalgia by a company that's out of new ideas. And yes, T3, I'm looking at you.
-That the new Batman movie is good enough to justify all the acclaim it has gotten as being the greatest Batman movie ever and one of the most brilliant acting performances of all time, just because Heath Ledger died during production.
-That I have enough self-restraint to stop myself from calling the church whose contact information is on a religious pamphlet titled "Take a Tip," that was left for one of my servers in lieu of an actual cash tip.
-That the new GTA game lives up to all the hype it has gotten for being such a socially destrucive, evil video game that causes otherwise law-abiding citizens to shoot innocent people and then run them over.
-That the dipshits responsible for all this criticism on video game violence who try to block their sale realize the Bible has far worse than anything in any video game out there, yet we give them away like candy to people of all ages.
-That American Idol gets canceled.
-Ditto for just about every other reality TV show.
-And by just about every other reality TV show I mean every other reality TV show.
-That I'm able to successfully act sober this Saturday while attending my younger brother's college graduation, even though I'll most certainly be drunk.
-That I'm able to not throw up in the car either on the way there or on the way home after drinking even more at his graduation party. I'm sure my wife doesn't want to be in the car with me puking out the window as she drives down the highway.
-That Jack Black realizes he really isn't that funny and retires.
-That I'm not disappointed with the return of Futurama. Leela's boobs did look bigger in the first straight-to-DVD movie they released so, so far, so good.
-That Dell actually credits my account with the checks I write so I can be done with their stupid bullshit. Two months ago I wrote a check for the entire remaining balance on my account. They claimed they didn't receive the check until roughly three weeks after I wrote the check, which was coincidentally, after the bill was due, so my account was charged a late fee. So as a result, when I thought I was paying my account off entirely, I paid it all off except for the amount of the late fee. I then received a late fee when I didn't mail in a payment the following month because I had thought my balance was paid in full. So I juat mailed in a check that consists of my entire balance of two late fees and a one dollar finance charge for them doing me the courtesy of charging me late fees. Fucking Dell. I totally lost my train of thought here.