In your Thanksgiving article you mentioned how you're getting married and are only going to stay married until you trade your wife in for someone younger. I know you say a lot of shit you probably don't mean, but I really hope you were joking because that would be a real dick move to marry someone intending to leave them. -Matt
Thanks for your email and your concern Matt. And you're right, Matt, it's going to be a real dick move in a couple years when I trade my soon-to-be wife in for a younger one.
You see, chicks are like cars. You have to trade them in every few years or bad things happen. For example...
They start to not always do what you want them to do.
They start to look less flashy.
The maintenance starts to cost more.
Parts start to get loose and rusty.
They're not as impressive to show off to your friends.
They start to move slower.
They start to emit more gases.
You can't be as wild with them as you used to be able to.
And most troubling of all, they start collecting more junk in the trunk.
If you have a question or comment, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
crap from 2007
men just realized it's time to trade their wives in