Right now, I have Bubbly Ass. I've had it for a few hours now and it's getting pretty uncomfortable. I don't think anything in life is more uncomfortable than Bubbly Ass. The only thing I can think of that comes close would be The Itch. And no, I'm not talking about people who just eat too many Ho-Hos and their ass ends up being shaped like a bubble.
No, I'm talking about Bubbly Ass. You know, that condition resulting from a combination of eating a little too much and wearing a belt that's just a little too tight. Bubbly Ass. When it feels like there's a little gnome stuck in between your butt cheeks blowing bubbles. And the longer Bubbly Ass lasts, the more frequent the ass bubbles get, their pace quickening until they are at a frantic pace, popping out of your ass cheeks with rapid-fire succession.
Bubbly Ass is, of course, a very uncomfortable condition to have. Unless of course you like feeling like you have a gnome blowing bubbles in your ass. And what you like in your ass is your business, but I don't particularly like the feeling. Although the friction resulting from Bubbly Ass does tend to warm up the butt cheeks, a nice side effect, especially in winter.
It's also not a good condition to have in public, or with friends. It has all the worst symptoms of chronic flatulence (gassy smell, funny noises), but you can't actually get rid of it until you shit. This of course leaves you with a helluva decision. Do you, while in the presence of friends, continue to make fart-like noises and stink up the room, or do you excuse yourself to take a mighty dump, only to walk back into the room amidst giggling and snickering? It's one of the great decisions in life. Right up there with what career to pursue and who to marry.
It's starting to kick into high gear now. My ass sounds kind of like a sputtering lawnmower right now. I think I'd better go sit on the toilet for a few minutes.
people like gnomes blowing bubbles in their ass