Normally I never bring personal dirty laundry onto my site. It doesn't help anything, and it really isn't fair of me to use a public forum such as this to bitch about someone else who doesn't have the ability to defend themselves in said public forum. Having said that, my wife has gone too far this time. She has disturbed me greatly and I feel compelled to say something about that sexually deviant hussy.
A few days ago I had this dream. And in this dream it came to my attention that my wife had previously worked as a stripper at one of those classy strip clubs where you slip them an extra fifty and you get to go to the back room and get your knob polished. Oh but it didn't just come to my attention in a polite way like someone telling me. Oh no. I was given a DVD of an infomercial for the club she worked at where they had slutty interviews with all the strippers and showed them in porno scenes. But not real porno scenes, it was more like HBO porn where you pretty much know what's happening but you never actually see anything other than boobs.
So of course the porno scene my wife had couldn't just have one guy. Or two guys. No. She was stranded in her car out in the middle of nowhere when three guys who naturally had no shirts on came along to help. Of course she felt compelled to repay them for their assistance and we all know how those scenes wind up.
So then in her ultra-slutty interview complete with typical answers such as all she thinks about is penises and sometimes she likes to bring her friends along, the guy who owned the strip club came over and asked her what was for dinner. So she said "Dinner's on me today," and picked up a bowl of cole slaw and dumped it on her boobs. Yes you read that right. SHE PUT A BOWL OF COLE SLAW ON HER BOOBS. Then she gave a come-hither look at the camera and it went to the next cookie-cutter stripper interview.
What the fuck? Cole slaw? What kind of sick degenerate mother fucker puts cole slaw on her boobs? Even if you're the type who is into the food kind of thing, cole slaw? Cole slaw just smells nasty and I don't see how it's a sexy food. If she had used whipped cream or chocolate syrup or something that at least would make sense. It would still be pretty fucked up and all, but at least it would make sense. I'm sure there's someone who is really into eating cole slaw off of chicks' boobs, but I just don't see the appeal in it.
So anyway I woke up understandably very pissed off. And of course my wife downplayed the whole thing like it wasn't a big deal. She was messing around with three strange guys in her car and putting cole slaw on her boobs on camera and she doesn't think it's a big deal. Of course she says it was just a ridiculous dream and she laughed at me. You know, same shit they always say. "I've never stripped in my life. I've never done three guys in the car. I've never put cole slaw on my boobs." I've heard it a thousand times. She even had the nerve to turn it around on me by asking what I was thinking about to have such a fucked-up dream. That is just like a woman. They put cole slaw on their boobs for strange men to eat and then act like it's your fault. Fucking women.