Today, in an astounding lapse of judgment, I decided to turn on the radio, hoping to hear some new music that didn't piss me off. Yeah I know, you'd think I'd know better than that by now. Anywho, instead of new exciting music, I heard Avril Lavigne's shitty 80's bubble-gum pop wannabe hit "Girlfriend," followed by something that pissed me off even more, the ignorant DJ referring to her as "the punk princess." I swear to Christ, the next time I hear someone use the words "Avril Lavigne" and "punk" in the same sentence, I'm going to beat the living shit out of them. Unless of course that sentence contains the word "not" or is followed by derisive laughter. Avril Lavigne is NOT punk, and anybody who thinks she's punk is an ignorant, pig-fucking asshole who needs to die a horrible, fiery death and spend all of eternity wiping Satan's ass in hell. She's a shitty MTV artist who wouldn't know real punk music if it smacked her in the face with one of her own shitty CDs.
"But Randy," you say, "Avril Lavigne is very punk. She dyes her hair, wears grungy clothes, cusses ("Hell yeah, I'm the mother-fuckin princess?"), and her music is guitar-driven punk music." Yeah, congratulations asshole, you have no idea what the fuck actual punk is. Of course I'm biased because I happen to think of ACTUAL punk when people use the word punk (and FYI, I don't mean Green Day when I say ACTUAL punk). Every time some shit-brained asshole calls Avril Lavigne punk, Joey Ramone turns in his grave. She's a fucking teeny-bopper with choreographed dance moves who sings trite, unoriginal songs about liking boys and milk-and-cookie kiddie relationship problems. Nothing about that is even remotely punk. Calling her punk because she dyes her hair and uses guitars as props in her videos is like calling Bambi an action movie because there's guns and death in the scene where Bambi's mom gets shot by the hunters.
And maybe it was just my brain hearing things because the song was killing brain cells left and right, but I'm pretty sure I heard the line "She's, like, so whatever," at least 17 times throughout the song. What the fuck does that even mean? Maybe I just don't understand because I'm not a retarded whore, but to me, that sounds like a bunch of meaningless gibberish. Is calling someone "like, so whatever" really a meaningful and culturally acceptable insult now instead of just verbal filler? Am I that far past my teen years that I don't understand what it means, or is she just retarded?
Don't get me wrong, I'd still fuck her brains out. Her music is just annoying as shit.
retarded Avril Lavigne fans think I'm "like, so whatever"